The Eagle Has Landed, A Little Short

Final thought for today, cause I know everyone's getting tired of me. Anyone out there get screwed by Westbrook's flop on the one yard line?

In my playoff matchup, my opponent had Brian and although I had the match easily in hand by that point, I can't image what I, much less the guy I was playing, would have done if it was closer when that happened. All I know is someone would have been doing a lot of subsequent drywall work or at least hiring the crazy, homeless guy who hangs out in front of the supermarket all the time to do it.

I've got to give it to him, it was a smart play. Basically ending the game like that was something I'm not sure I could have done. The game would have been over either way, how do you not take the points? I guess Brian's decision was the only sure fire way, but good God man!

Even the wife understood the significants of that play. We're sitting on the couch, her folding laundry like a good lass and me riveted to TV and laptop, when, just after the play, she turns and says,

"Isn't that going to piss off fantasy owners?"

To which I replied,

"Yes, baby. Yes it will."

Such a good girl. Such a pretty girl.

This D Stinks

Matt Buser, over at Yahoo!, won't stop sending us emails asking that we add him to the list of Gurus next year. Maybe that's not really true but he did make a pretty cool little table that could prove useful to some of you. Average fantasy points allowed, per team, through week 14 of the season. Check it out.

Matchup Management (12.12.07)

I've been looking around. Can you tell it's been an excruciatingly slow day at work?

A Year of Snow, A Year of Plenty

Just because we haven't featured much on our Gurus lately doesn't mean we've forgotten about them. In fact, we've been keeping close tabs on them, though not actually tabulating. I've been using Jamey's weekly sit/start as somewhat of a guide each week, choosing to ignore some of the more asinine recommendations. And Jeremy's been masturbating to the stock photo of Eric Karabell displayed on his weblog over at ESPN.com for the better part of a week straight now. Obviously, he's getting pretty chaffed and crampy. Typing with one hand proved too much for him and thus explains his M.I.A. status.

Apparently, our boy Jamey spent Sunday night harping or possibly lamenting or maybe both on the same things I was harping on yesterday in his weekly Four Down segment. And, no, it has nothing to do with four downs babies. What? You thought we just read the weekly predictions? Fuck that! We're all over this shit. Just last week I sat outside Jamey's house all night waiting for him to come home so I could...nevermind. Point is, I stepped on a nail crossing the road - ninja shoes don't have a thick sole - and had to abandon the mission. Let's just leave it at committed, ok?

He used the same examples I did, adding Joseph Addia to the list along with everyone from the Brown's game against the Bills. He gave the latter a pass based on the weather, I can only assume because four inches of snow is hard to play in? What is this pee-wee ball? In college we'd play football every time it snowed a significant amount and we were damn good. Sure, it wasn't a professional game and we were all wasted off our asses but I'll be damned if we didn't bring it.

Which, in a very round-about way, brings me to my point: You've got to check the weather report, people. It's really the X factor that can affect your entire lineup. There are simply some conditions that are too much to overcome, even for the best. With each winter weekend offering up an opportunity for disagreeable weather, it doesn't take a meteorologist to figure out what to do with you lineup.

Weather affects the game well before players take the field. If there's a less than favorable forecast, coaches will change their strategies to attempt to counteract the weather's influence. The Patriots game is a perfect example. The Pats, a throw first, run second team flipped the universe on its end and went run first because of a strong wind. Speaking of wind, does anything else dictate a game more, in terms of weather events? The only other comparable situations I can think of are a good amount of snow and having to play at Heinz field. Wind changes everything. It forced the Pats to give Maroney 26 carries, it forced Eli Manning to complete only 18 of 52 pass attempts - "forced" may be a little strong considering it's Eli -and it contributed to there not being a touchdown scored in the Brown vs. Bills game. Wind can take down even the mightiest of quarterbacks, see Tom Brady, and consequently the receiving corp those quarterbacks are heaving the ball towards.

Now, more than ever, you've got to check the game day weather. Hopefully, you're in the playoffs looking to either wrangle in some cash, some respect or maybe a little of both. Don't miss out on the glory or the green because you started the guy playing in a blizzard. If any week was an illustration of that, it's this past one.

Wind - sit the QB and wide receivers and start the running back. Snow - same as wind. Rain - it's been raining all year, you should know what to do.

There you have it. The answer to every type of weather possible. Now, meditate on what you have learned while attempting to autofellate for at least an hour every day until Sunday.

Site News: I haven't given up on the reviews/grading either. I'm off work from this Friday through the new year and I'm hoping to use some of that time for catch up. And if anyone sees Jeremy, please let him know they've released the dogs. Thanks.

Angels Among Us

Well, it seems they are human after all. This weekend, the big boys of fantasy finally decided to come down off their high and mighty cloud and pay us lesser mortals a visit. Maybe it was just a quickie for the holidays - you know, pay a little attention to the friends and family. Maybe they built there Tower of Babal too high and God had to knock them down a peg or two. Maybe Brady got bored and figured he might as well impregnate two or three supermodels in the mean time. Maybe it was opposite day. Maybe they'll head right back up to were they came from. But my theory, and I'm willing to defend this, is they came down for no other reason than to fuck as many fantasy players as possible, right in the ass thick of the playoffs.

Brady throws no touchdowns - inconceivable. Doesn't this guy control the weather with his mind or possibly his manhood. I know he controls the collective will of millions of women with the latter. Just ask my wife.

If there were no touchdowns through the air for "the great one", then his partner in crime must have put up some serious yardage right? Something in the range of 150 to a million? That 79 yards receiving next to Moss' name must be a typo, right?

And what of the leagues other dynamic duo? Surely they pulled up the slack and posted monster numbers. I know, they messed up the stat line and put the "3" in Romo's interception column instead of rightly filing it under the "Touchdown" heading. And if that's the case, then at least two of those three must have been gone to T.O. (the other going, of course, to Witten). He couldn't have bombed two weeks in a row - not the most exciting/loudest player in the game. Wait!? Those really were interceptions and none of them went to T.O. because he's on offense and that's impossible? Shit on a windmill!

Any I'm missing? Judging by the scores around my respective leagues this week, I'd say there are more than a couple I've forgotten.

Sidenote: I won the only playoff game I was in primarily because T.O., T.G. (Tony Gonzalez) and to some extent Ryan Grant all shit the bed. I'd like to send a heartfelt, "Thank you!" to each and every one of them. I was the 4th place team, playing the 1st place team and high scorer in the league. Fantasy football truly is a fickle bitch sometimes. Lucky I didn't end up on the short end of the dick stick like Jeremy.

Bye Bye Birdie

Apparently, when things get tough, the tough get going. And I don't mean moving in the right direction. Or maybe it's the pussies that turn tail and boogy out at the first sign of trouble. Yeah, I think that's closer to the truth, especially in the case of Bobby Petrino. What else could it look like to your everyday football fan. The team hits a rough patch, falls on some hard luck and a quarterback who preferred throwing dogs to footballs and the coach, a day after the owner of the team went on national TV proclaiming faith in him, sneaks out of town in the middle of night to return to the college coaching ranks, leaving nothing but a pitiful note and a bunch of bad memories in his wake. Maybe Bobby's a good coach and maybe he's not. But one thing he's definitely not is a man.

The Atlanta Falcons certainly didn't deserve that kind of treatment. If he didn't want to coach the rest of the year, fine. At least give your employer a little notice. That's what any half decent human being would do. If I wanted to quit my job, I'd at least have the balls to put in my two weeks and work them, no matter who I worked for. It's a little thing called personal ethics and integrity. It's something that fathers teach their sons. It's the right way to go about things. But it looks like Bobby never got those lessons.

Arkansas is sure luck to be getting such an upstanding guy to lead their team. A real life model citizen. A role model for the kids. Just ask the people of Atlanta. I bet they'd elect him mayor of the city if he ran, possibly even if he didn't. In fact, they're probably already planning the parade...for his death. I can't wait for the first game Arkansas finds themselves down at halftime. I bet half the team quits.

Since this is a fantasy site, I'll reign in my vitriol for a bit to discuss the ramifications of Bobby's move. Everyone over at CBS seems to think this is the end of Roddy White's career. Personally, I just can't see it. Petrino was supposedly an offensive genius and that well may be true. I've seen offensive genius' coach NFL teams before - see Brian Billick - and I'm convinced they have very little to do with offensive production. The fact of the matter is that Roddy is the only wide receiver on that team who can catch a damn ball. Michael Jenkins is the Edward Scissor-hands of the NFL and Alge, as much as I like him, has lost more than a few steps over the past two seasons. Roddy's done well thus far considering the cast around him. The quarterback carousel continues its slow death spin to loserville. Chris Redman has looked like their best quarterback all year, which should tell you more than a little something. Yet Roddy still puts up numbers.

Now, don't let me snow you, I'll never purport him as a lock starter every week. But, depending on the league, he's at least a matchup play, especially against teams with good offenses and mediocre defenses. You know the Falcons are going to be down. A lot. Meaning a lot of passing. Couple that with Roddy being the number one, only reliable receiver and he's guaranteed to have a fair share of balls thrown his way.

Basically, what it all boils down to is this: Bobby Petrino's hasty exit will have no affect on the Falcon player's fantasy production or value. And since Roddy is really the only player on the team with more than marginal fantasy value I can confidently say Roddy White will not suffer because of the absence of Bobby Petrino. If I was to go out on limb, I might even say that perhaps this turn of events would spun improved play on the part of the Falcons. Think about it. If you were on that team, wouldn't you want to succeed just to show up the coach that left you mid-season. I know I would and I know Deangelo will try. He's probably dancing a jig right about now. It's like when your girlfriend breaks up with you and you start running all the time and going to the gym just to show her what she's missing out on. Living well is the best revenge.

I won't say go out and pick up as many Falconites as you can, but don't worry about Roddy. Roddy will be fine.

B.O. Line

Prompted by a comment from azhokie -thanks for the comment by way - I got to thinking about offensive lines around the league and their relation to the fantasy football world.

I think most would agree that a good O-line will do nothing but help your favorite fantasy players succeed. I know, personally, I rank every team's offensive line, as part of my cheat sheet predraft preparation. So, I thought it might be embarrassing fun to compare how I ranked the lines preseason to how they've actually performed thus far. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my spreadsheet due to an incident in which I procured a new computer here at work. But fear not because I'm pretty sure I emailed it back and forth to myself a couple of times during it's generation. I'll look into that when I get home.

Therefore, instead of tripping down memory lane, I figured the best and most logical course of action is to take a peek into the future with my official o-line rankings for next year. Don't ask how I decided the rankings. I don't feel like going into a long explanation of how I wrote each team's name on a piece of paper, put all the pieces of paper in a hat and drew them out at random. I also don't want to admit that, although it's wasn't a competition, I somehow lost. Go figure.

Here's the list:

1. New England
2. Dallas
3. Indianapolis
4. Pittsburgh
5. Green Bay
6. New Orleans
7. Tampa Bay
8. Cincinnati
9. Denver
10. Jacksonville
11. San Diego
12. Tennessee
13. Washington
14. Houston
15. Cleveland
16. Minnesota
17. Buffalo
18. New York (Giants)
19. Arizona
20. Baltimore
21. Seattle
22. Oakland
23. Carolina
24. Philadelphia
25. Miami
26. Atlanta
27. New York (Jets)
28. Detroit
29. St. Louis
30. Kansas City
31. Chicago
32. San Fransisco

Obviously, this projection is nothing more than a guess, based on line play from this year in conjunction with a little thought as to how they will do in the future. Future trades, free-agent acquisitions, injuries, ect. have been excluded because, though it pains me to say this, I cannot see the future nor did I feel like investing the time and effort it would require to research each players contract situation. I'll leave that shit up to the professionals. They're getting paid for it.

And, just so you know, I didn't randomly pull names out of my ass. If you want to see how the teams rank, in the categories I chose to grade on, you can check out my fancy spreadsheet here.

I'll try to post my preseason offensive line ranking if I can find them later.

Not in My Platoon, Soldier

To further illustrate the plight of the running back this season, I wanted to highlight Ronnie Brown. And not because he tore his ACL, ending his season in the 7th week. Instead, take a look at your league and check out where he ranks against the rest of the running backs and I'm talking everybody. If you're in a standard scoring league - no yardage bonus, funky touchdown schemes, ect. - he should be thirteenth or somewhere close. At least in the top 15.

Let me say that again, a guy who hasn't played since week 7 is still in the top 15. It's week 14 people. That's absolutely unbelievable. It's ludicrous.

Of course, Ronnie is a very good running back and the things he did before he got hurt were nothing short of incredible. Playing on a losing team that was constantly behind with nary a whisper of a quarterback all season, he still averaged 86 rushing yards per game and 55 receiving. He scored 5 touchdowns in 7 games. Very impressive numbers without a doubt and if he could have stayed healthy it would have been interesting to see how his season, along with the dolphin's, turned out.

But really, in twice the games don't you think more people would have passed his 125 fantasy points by now? There are some big names sitting behind him, some of which will need the remainder of the season or their natural lives to catch up. Frank Gore, Willie Parker, Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson all sit on a lower rung. And I know what your going to say: But, Ray, some of those guys were injured as well. To which I would respond: You're right. Some were. But all of them have played in at least 8 games, including Jackson and LJ. That's one more game than Ronnie and they're at least, if you're very generous and assume they can lay down a 20 point game, one game away from his point total.

Overall, I think it speaks volumes about the state of the running back in the NFL. After this season, we may have to take a step back and reevaluate their importance in the grand scheme of fantasy. The lone gun runner is all but extinct giving way to dreaded platoons. I'm sure those Laurence Maroney owners can tell you all about how much they enjoy the 8 to 10 touches he gets a game.

Check out this interesting article from earlier this year. I think it's evident the trend continues.

Scrumming the Line

Jeremy's Back

That's right folks, the prodical son has returned. Jeremy, aka "two holes and a heartbeat", posted today for the first time in who knows how long. He didn't really tell us anything but that's not why we liked him anyway. We liked him for his boyish charm and hands so soft they'd make an angel cry. Welcome back buddy!

Continuing My VT Rant From Yesterday

Since you're all such good followers of the cult called professional sports, like me, I'm sure by now you know how the BCS rankings shook out. Honestly, I'm fine with how the national championship ended up. That should be a good game, though Ohio State kinda reminds me of a common fluffer getting the starring role in a Debbie Does Dallas video. One really shouldn't be able to back into a national championship like they did. Note to every other team in the nation: Screw strength of schedule and book puff-ball non-conference games. Just make sure, unlike Michigan, you can actually win them. Is a shitty non-conference schedule a requirement in the Big 10?

The Hokies ended up No. 3, thanks in no part to the voters who put them at 5th and 6th. Being ranked 1st in the computer poll was the only thing that pulled them through, but hey I take it. I trust the computers way more than anyone who has a vote in the Harris or the Coaches Poll. I'm not going to bemoan a matchup vs. Kansas mostly because we have a really good shot at winning - something Tech has struggled with from time to time in the bowl game. What I really have a problem with was, again, the press coverage. Yesterday, during a three hour bowl selection special on ESPN, the VT vs. Kansas game was only talked about once, excluding the initial announcement of the Orange Bowl selections. One damn two minute discussion for a BCS game. Not only that, but the segment didn't air until 10:27 pm, thirty minutes from the end of the show. By that time they had already aired and re-aired interviews with both Les Miles and Jim Tressel. Not that the national championship game isn't important but the Orange isn't the Gaylord Music Bowl over here. Fuck, I think they even talked about that one before they got to the Orange. Plus, when the ESPN experts finally sloughed their way over to the game all they talked about was how Kansas didn't deserve to be there and how much the situation in Corso's words, "Sucked". Then they talked on the phone to Kansas' fat coach who looked like he had eaten half to three quarters of his offensive line. Fuck you ESPN!

Fallen Heroes

As Jeremy mentioned, the deadskins...cough...Redskins (is it wrong to call them that now?) held their first game since Sean Talyor's death. I thought they did a really nice job of honoring him with the video and the ring of honor. Unfortunately, they couldn't give him the honor of a win, with a seemingly senile Joe Gibbs inexplicably calling two timeouts in a row to move Lindell's field goal attempt from a 51 yarder to a much easier 36-yard game winning attempt. Of course, he made the kick, much to the chagrin of Skins fans and the delight of Jeremy. I know Joe was out of football for a while but hasn't that rule always been around? Like since the dawn of time?

Somehow the whole thing got me to thinking about what I would do if my favorite player died, assuming I had a favorite player. I've got a couple friends who are Skins fans and I know for a fact at least one of them would tell you that Sean was/is his favorite player. So what does he do now? Is it disrespectful to arbitrarily pick another guy as your number 1? Who do you cheer for? Personally, I think I would, at minimum, boil the guy's jersey and eat it with a nice glass of chianti. Do you think there's any way to get at the eyes without exhuming the body? It's the only way to absorb the soul. I've got to think I'd hold off on picking a new guy, choosing instead to applaud the team as a whole, until the end of the season out of respect. Moving on is important but doing so too fast, like a gold-digger reveling in her newly gained millions, just looks like you never cared in the first place.

Quick hits

• NY Football Giants RB Derrick Ward apparently broke a bone in his leg during Sunday's game. Likely out for season. Adjust your rosters accordingly.

• Went to the Bills-'Skins game yesterday (as a Bills fan). A nice memorial setup outside the stadium where fans had left flowers, shirts, jerseys, etc. 'Skins handed out towels with Taylor's #21 on it to all fans. Showed a memorial video before the game (I wasn't in my seat in time, so I missed it), and the 'Skins started the game with 10 defensive players (Bills had a 22-yard run on that play). Was a nice atmosphere for the most part, saw lots of #21 Bills jerseys (Willis McGahee) with tape over McGahee and "Taylor" handwritten. Wish I would have thought of that before I left.

Gone Bowling

Although by 8:30 tonight, this argument will be inconsequential I'm still going to make it. And I know I'm showing my colors and immodestly showing my bias by campaigning for VT in the national championship but my ultimate goal is here is to ever so slightly offset the equally immodest bias of the national sports covering media outlets. Outlets like ESPN and CBS that constantly push, for reasons unknown to myself, for one team or another despite the facts or reality.

Last night, Sportscenter and College Gameday Final profiled all the teams with a shot to squeak into the national championship, most likely to play the Ohio State Buckeyes. Of course, the Buckeyes are one of the teams ESPN is constantly pushing on us, singing their praises every chance they get, year in and year out. However, I do believe Ohio State is deserving of the spot, being the third ranked team, so I'm not going to include them in this argument. Each respective show had mentioned VT in passing when listing the potential candidates for the national championship and had subsequently profiled the teams, even going so far as the televise telephone conversations with some of the coaches. I was waiting and waiting for them to profile VT just like they had each of the other teams. Finally, the clock struck 2am and still nothing. They barely mentioned Kansas either, and no disrespect here, but Kansas played no one all season. They should have been treated like a good mid-major by the pollsters and placed somewhere in the middle of the top twenty-five to languish. I'm sure an Kansas wouldn't agree with me, but we all have our opinions right?

Needless to say, the big two ESPN pushed were LSU and USC. LSU I can understand. They won their conference championship, they've played one of, if not thee, hardest schedule in all of college football and their two loses came in triple overtime to ranked teams. There resume is pretty damn strong and honestly, I think they're the ones who'll win the spot.

USC on the other hand deserves no consideration for one reason and one reason only. The lost to Stanford. You cannot go to national championship game if you've lost to Stanford. I'm sure it's in the rule book somewhere. If you need more convincing, look at their schedule. They only played four ranked teams all year and got beat by one (Oregon). One of those ranked teams was Cal (ranked #24 at the time) who, in a purely USC moment, also lost to Stanford this week. And if you need yet another reason, they didn't exactly blowout UCLA last night. And yet there I was, sitting on the couch last night, listening as Pete Carroll calls in to Sportscenter and politics his team for the national championship. If I was answering the phones at the ESPN studios, I would have hung up on him because there's no way it wasn't a prank call. If ESPN wasn't so up Pete Carroll's rose-scented ass, he would have never gotten on TV and USC would have never been mentioned as a legitimate contender for the national championship because they're not.

Which reminds me of the other "it" word being thrown around by the ESPN "analysts" to describe teams: hot. USC was mentioned multiple times as one of these supposed "hot" teams. So what's the definition of "hot" you might ask? Good question. Does winning four games in row, only scoring more than 24 in one of those games, make a team "hot"? Does it matter that two of the four were unranked and one of the ranked teams was the aforementioned Cal to whom they almost lost (24-17 final)? So unconvincingly winning games over lesser opponents is what makes you "hot", even the hottest team in the nation? I would have never guessed.

The other school described as "hot" was Georgia and with good reason. Comparing USC and UGA, should give us a better understanding of the ridiculousness of this whole thing, don't you think? UGA won its last 6 games in a row, three of those opponents were ranked. Remember that's only one less than USC played all year and as many as they beat. They were all conference games, something even more impressive considering they play in the SEC, arguably the best conference in all of college football. They beat Florida, the reigning champs, Auburn, a rival, and Kentucky. Over that stretch they averaged over 30 points a game and against Florida and Auburn they broke the 40 barrier. That sounds a little more like "hot" to me. Unfortunately, especially for UGA fans, I think Georgia is going to get screwed the most by the BCS. They might be one of the best teams in the country right now and I think they are, but I doubt the voters will reward them with a well deserved shot at the national championship. If everyone thinks you should have to win your conference championship to play for the national title, why didn't they just make it a rule?

So we've covered LSU, USC, Kansas and UGA. Who else is getting the championship spotlight that my not deserve it. I guess that just leave Oklahoma. The team that Mark May, ESPN college football analyst token black guy, said should be in the national championship. A team ranked 9th in the BCS standings. They'd have to move up 7 spots, jumping all the teams I've already mentioned. Sure, the win last night was impressive but it makes me wonder what the hell happened against the powerhouse that is Texas Tech? Or what about the stunning meltdown in Boulder? Texas Tech was only three weeks ago. Are we going to put a team in the national championship that's as inconsistent as these guys are? Hell, they only played two ranked teams all year, Texas and Missouri twice. You can't lose to unranked teams twice in one year and expect to have a shot at a national title. And yet here's Mark, a supposed expert, bandstanding them on national television. In what was previously thought an impossible mission, he actually made Lou Holtz look smart. Inconceivable.

How does VT match up against these "contenders"? Glad you asked. Tech played five ranked teams, beating three and both losses came to the number two teams in the country. A shellacking at the hands of LSU early in the season when Tech was playing with a offense line riddled with inexperience and decimated by injury and a near miss to Boston College that, if yesterday's ACC championship win proved anything, we should have won. The only team that could possibly claim to have "better" loses would be LSU's two triple overtime thrillers. VT ended the regular season with five straight wins, two over ranked opponents, and averaged almost 35 points per game to compliment their top rated defense. That's one less win than Georgia and one more than USC over the same stretch, the hottest teams in the nation. Tech won its conference championship, so that shouldn't be an issue.

Should VT be in the national championship? I don't know. But what really irks me, and the real point of this entire diatribe, is the injustice VT suffers at the hands of the press in terms of coverage. They give air time to wholly unworthy programs with a big name and constantly ignore the school nestled in the hill of Southwest Virginia. I'm not looking for favoritism here, just equal time. Just give VT a profile, a mention, a little time as many of the voters will be influenced by the news reports they watch the press deliver. A perfect example of the problem is Notre Dame. The get national coverage through NBC which televises their pathetic games, all because at some time before I was born Notre Dame was actually good and wasn't simply getting handed BCS bowl bids for nothing more than name recognition. Not to mention that Lou Holtz somehow not so surreptitiously slips in Notre Dame reference in every show, something he should have been fired for, among a multitude of other things, long ago.

How about, instead of pushing personal agendas and party lines, the sports media actually try basing their expert opinions on fact and give every team, big or small, the proper coverage they deserve? Oh, what a wonder world it would be.

Slacker City

I know I've been delinquent on the scoring of the gurus. I've fallen behind, Jeremy is MIA and work actually decided to give me something to do. I'll try to at least get the grades up for my guys from the past few weeks by sometimes this afternoon. I'll have a couple drinks in my by then making the number crunching and stat finding not quite as monotonous. Hopefully that will be enough to appease the masses.

Any skins fans going to the funeral on Monday?

Sean Taylor

Sean Taylor died this morning. The second NFL defensive secondary player to die this year by gunfire (Darrent Williams being the other back in January).

Sticking to the number, Sean had little impact on the fantasy world. In leagues with IDP's, I doubt he was played, much less owned. Only participating in 9 games this year, he amass 5 interceptions and one fumble recover to go along with 42 tackles. When on the field he played well, his five interceptions were tied for the NFC lead, yet that all seems insignificant now.

I don't want to get into too much social commentary here but the fact remains that there are some pretty fucked up places and situations in this world. Whatever evidence ends up coming out about how he died, the incontrovertible truth is that another young black man died senselessly before his time.

In 2005, 269 individuals were homicide victims in Baltimore City. In 2006 that number rose to at least 272. Considering the city is primary black, especially in the areas with high concentrations of violence, that's basically a black person getting killed once every 36 hours. Additionally, Miami's homicide count for 2003 was 74 - two and a half times the national average. Miami is about half the size of Baltimore for comparison. The point is that crime in America's cities has reached epidemic levels claiming the lives of countless people, innocent and not.

Not to minimize the lose of Sean in any way, but how many other possible pro athletes, musicians, artist, writers and doctors have we lost, do we lose, on a daily basis at the hands of violence on our city streets? How much more potential will be snuffed out by a hand gripping a 9mm? How long will suburbanites living their relatively secluded lives ignore the problems across the tracks? What's happening to America's black youth is nothing short of tragic. Perpetuated by a culture that glorifies the violent activities that should be shunned and put down, black society is quickly turning on itself, self destructing with no one willing to take a stand for what's right. Gangs, guns and drugs rule the streets of impoverished inner city neighborhoods. There is no law except their law, no justice other than what they perceive to be right according to the code of the street.

Politicians and law maker promise every year in Baltimore City to reduce the murder rate and make the streets safer, but every year the homicide rate increase, the poor continue their decent into abject poverty and the gangs take over more and more territory, recruiting young and impressionable kids who feel thug life is their only way out. For every one success story, there are a hundred failures. You'd think City officials would look to improve schools, install programs to discourage youth enrollment in gang elements, help the impoverished earn a living wage and increase the police presence to squash further gang activity. Instead, they choose to maintain the status quo citing budgetary restrictions - nothing changes and nothing improves. How much is the next generation worth? Apparently, in their eyes, not enough to actually shell out some cash.

So what will come out of this microcosm we have in the form of Sean Taylor? Maybe awareness with be raised, maybe the local Miami city government will make some concessions, addressing the city's crime problem. But, if they're anything like Baltimore, I doubt it. As much as I hate to say it, maybe Kayne was right. But instead of just George Bush not caring about black people, I think it's more accurately all politicians - black, white, other or both. These are the people who should be fighting for the downtrodden, the little guy, the people who lacks the ability to represent themselves. But today's political scene isn't conducive to it. The poor inner city black vote is an important one to have, but one government leaders are unwilling to work for. The traditional inner city democratic voting line has hand cuffed the black poor and silenced their voice. No one's going to pay for it if you give it away for free.

I wish I could recommend some person or party they could vote for - a representative for their needs and an unrelenting fighter for justice - but there is none. The Republicans would take their vote and run with, just like the Democrats do. The truth is, no one in a position of power is looking out for their interests. So what do they do?

Sean's shooting is simply further evidence of the state of unrest in our cities. I used a lot of Baltimore references because that's what I know. It's were I live. But this truly is a national epidemic. The question then becomes, how many more NFL players, fathers, sons and brothers have to die before something is done? I guarantee Sean won't be the last. There may be a war going on in Iraq, but a bigger war takes place on the streets of every major American city everyday.

Maybe This is What the Native Americans Felt Like

Last post was a bit of a rant, so I've decided to liven things up and put on a cheerful face in light of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. And in that spirit I decided to make a list of the fantasy football goings on I'm most thankful for to date this year.

1) Injures - Of 16 draft picks in a certain Yahoo! league this year, 8 dealt with injures of varying degrees thus far. Some were season ending like Deuce McAllister and some were just a few weeks, like Deion Branch, Alge Crumpler, Shaun Alexander, Marc Bulger and Ben Watson. Still others lost there starting spots like Chester Taylor. Yet all fucked me over in their own regard. I understand injuries are part of the game but this year's been insufferably ridiculous. Hopefully I've got it all out of my team's systems. I'm sick of playing Mike Furrey and Kyle Boller.

2) Shitting the Bed - I want to take the time to personally thank Frank Gore, Shaun Alexander, Marvin Harrison, Marc Bulger, Drew Brees, Steven Jackson and Larry Johnson. Whether I drafted you or not, you've all had a huge impact on making this year one of the most fucked up on record. Thanks for being high draft picks and rewarding your owners with absolutely jack shit. Thanks for taking the the draft spots that we might have used on Tom Brady or Randy Moss. Thanks for proverbially ripping our nuts off and shoving them down our collective throats. Thanks for not pulling any punches and screwing us from the very beginning. Thanks for making our hopes fleeting, not building us up for the inevitable fall and keeping us firmly planted on rock bottom. You all deserve the congressional medal of honor for sucking ass. I just want you to know, like the girlfriend that cheated on us in high school, we'll never trust you again.

3) Brian Billick - Thanks for being the biggest douchbag in NFL coaching-dumb. If Dr. Seuss had written a children's story about you it would have been called The Prick Who Stole Christmas. Thanks for being all the self-righteous pompous asshole you could be. I know its hard work looking like a moron all the time, but thanks to your tireless efforts, you've effectively run a once proud superbowl winning team into the ever-loving shithole. Thanks for blaming the media for all your short comings, for being an offensive genius and for sticking your thumb up ass of every Baltimore Ravens fan. When the prince of darkness comes to collect your soul, I hope he's anything but gentle.

4) Eric Karabell - We've been together for years. I've turned to you for advice in times of need and you've never asked a thing of me. For all intents and purposes, from my point of view, it was the perfect relationship. That was until I read your preseason advice not to worry about wide receiver in the draft, to build depth at running back and work from there. Of all the years I could have listened to you, this had to be the one. The fucking year ruled by the wide out. What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck were you thinking? Christ almighty, you couldn't have been more wrong. Now I've got don't-kill-yourself books on my coffee table and sure they're not mine but I might have glanced at them. Hillbilly! White trash!

5) Draft Strategy - I might as well have saved my time researching players and teams and putting all the info into spreadsheets and cheatsheats. I could have been doing something more productive like punching myself repeatedly in the groin or giving my manhood a jacob's ladder. I'm glad I drafted all those piece of shit running backs like Cedric Benson. What else would I have to curse myself later about? Next year my preparation will consist of shitting in my hand and making fecal cave paintings on the draft room walls.

6)Bullshit Trades - I want to take a moment to thank all those people that made a bonehead trade this year, since as of the trade deadline tomorrow you won't be able to make anymore. And I'm not talking about trades that didn't work out because of one thing or the other. I'm talking the heinous trades people make where you click on them and think to yourself, What kind of brain damaged mongoloid proposed this ludicrousness. Before we forget, let's not fail to mention the idiots that let these things go through. Everyone has their own opinions on trades but sometimes you'll see something that even Lindsay Lohan would know wasn't kosher like the dick she just got off.

7) My Gut - Although I haven't failed too often in giving others advice, when it comes to listening to my own instincts I've sucked balls this year. I've been wrong in drafting and setting my lineups this more times than I care to admit. In the immortal words of John Cusack's character Rob in High Fidelity, "I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains". As for what to do about that, I'm still working on it.

8) All our Fantasy Gurus - You have to be thankful for them because they've been so damn accurate up to this point. I'm sure you're all winning your leagues thanks to there infallible predictions. I sure as shit know that I am and I owe it all to their immaculate skills. Napoleon Dynamite would be proud.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Head Meets Wall

As with everything else in life, fantasy football requires a bit of luck. You do your research and try to draft the right people, pickup the right people, start the right people. You pray that the guy you're playing that week doesn't blow up and have everyone on his team score 20 points a piece. You hope that when you have a bad week, your opponent has a worse one. No matter how much prep work we do, in the end it all comes down to luck.

So, I'm not sure what I did to the gods or karma or what-the-fuck-ever but my luck has been nothing short of shitty lately. I've worked all year to put together teams that win; teams that score points, teams that have depth. I've built and rebuilt and rebuilt again and again following injuries or poor play. I've made trades, picked up free agents and snagged guys off the waiver wire all in hopes of weekly victory that just isn't coming.

I'm so fucking frustrated I'm losing my goddamn mind. The past three weeks, arguably the most important for my season, I've played the top teams in each respective league and put up points against them, only to lose each time because some player they have goes off and sets an NFL record. It's fucking bullshit.

What did I do? Did I bite the head off a fuzzy little puppy? Did I unknowingly run over a baby with a monster truck? Did I Cleveland steamer my wife? The answer is no. Of course not. So what the fuck is going on? Can I please for the love of God get a little fucking luck over here? Is that really too much to ask? I'm fighting for my playoff life for Christ's sake. Just give me an effing break, dammit.

I'm not looking at anything having to do with fantasy today. I'm forcing myself to take a break for my own sanity. I need to calm down, catch my breath and get myself back to neutral, lest I go on a murderous rampage. I can see it now:

Judge - Son, why did you kill all those people?
Me - Because, sir, my fantasy teams were shitting the bed. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Judge - Oh. That's understandable.

Fuck! Things better turn themselves around by tomorrow. I'm probably not watching the game tonight. Someone let me know how it turns out.

The R&B Shuffle

The injury merry-go-round still seems to be spinning, pulling in running back after running back and spitting out nothing but piles of mangled flesh. I feel like I'm trapped in a fantasy football version of As the World Turns where all the shitty actors have been replaced by football players and each successive week the plot lines get stranger, unwittingly more stupid and less likely to happen. But this is reality, isn't it?

Last week, LJ went down with what was reported to be foot sprain. Spin doctor jargon to say the least. I hope no one was biting when they held LJ's undefined starting status in front of us like a carrot, giving us the hope that we may actually be able to field a team that week, then snatched it away at the last second. At least this week they were kind enough to rule him out before the waiver wire opened up. But it makes last week's dog and pony show that much more infurriating. You think he had a better shot at playing last week than this week? Fuck no! Let's be men and call an apple an apple.

It's time to face the fact that LJ is really hurt and it couldn't have come at a worse time. I mean, reports earlier this week said that the swelling had just begun to go down. I've had a few (ha!) injuries in my day and I'll tell you, body parts don't stay swollen for over a week unless: a) you've broken a bone or b) you really torn apart some muscle and sinew - we're talking ligaments and tendons and all the fun stuff. Look how long it took Deion Branch to come back from his foot injury, assuming he plays this week. Or how long Kevin Jones had to sit out at the beginning of the season while recovering from foot surgery - a surgery which is apparently back to bothering him. Anyone remember a certain one year removed MVP's craptacular 2006? Another victim of the foot. Feet are fickle that's all there is to it. Ankles might be worse, but I'm not convinced.

The LJ injury paved the way for your great grandfather, Priest Holmes, to take the reigns and, honestly, I thought he performed fairly well. All of the fantasy sites (ESPN, Yahoo! and CBS) had him grading out high, which was ridiculous pipe-dreaming. What the hell did they think was going to happen? The dudes got three inches of dust to knock off - that's going to take a little time. I was just happy he got 20 carries and didn't fumble the ball. Sure, the six or seven fantasy points he put up weren't game changing but at least they were something.

I expect that he does better this week. Brody Croyle is starting and the Chiefs are going to try establishing the run to protect him. That means at least 20 to 25 carries for Priest and hopefully a couple of catches after they go down by too much and start airing it out. I'm not saying he's a great play against a fast Indy defense, but I don't think 100 combine yards is out of the question. Will he get the goal line carries? Will the Chiefs get to the goal line? That's anybody's guess.

Onto the newest flavor of the week, Chester Taylor. At least he'll be well rested. And a good matchup against the much maligned Oakland Raiders could mean a productive start, rewarding those who've picked him up and have the balls to start him. But outside of this weekend, I'm not buying. We've seen that show before pre-Peterson. Nothing has changed since opening day - the quarterback position is still a toss up, the wide receivers are pedestrian and the offensive line is league average. Adrian Peterson is a beast; an injury-prone beast to be sure, but a beast all the same. You could have put him on any team and he would have re-written history. Peterson was that team's confidence, their swagger - the intangible. As cliche as it's becoming to say, with Berman spouting it every Sunday and Monday, he is the Vikings "x-factor". Without him, they'll return to their defense-can-keep-us-in-it-for-a-while losing selves. Like solar systems, teams without a star die. Chester going to be right there along for the slow ride to the bottom.

Speaking of long rides to the bottom, it looks like the A-train is scheduled to return to service this week. Anyone want to take that ride through Pat-D town? Yeah, I thought not.

Review: Week 8 - Sit on My Face

Well, it looks like Jamey's cream is finally rising to the top. Wait. That sounded really gay. Let me start over.

Jamey's has really been coming up lately, making the hard plays and going deep. Shit!

As it turns out, there's no easy way to say this, so like you might do with a band aid maybe we should do this quick. It might hurt for a second but it's better than prolonged suffering. I'm official recommending that you listen to Jamey in regards to fantasy football advice for the foreseeable future. However, if he tells you it's a good idea to take your clothes off and join him in the bedroom, feel free to disregard that suggestion.

The numbers don't lie, Jamey has been on fire. For week 8 he picked at a 63% success rate overall and if you don't take tight ends into account (by far his worst category of the past week) he nailed 28 out of 38 picks. That's 74% right. Pretty impressive - as much as I don't like to admit it. Plus, the past two weeks he was over 3.0 in a tough scoring system and now he's following that up with a 2.8. Who the hell is this guy and what have they done with Jamey? If there's one thing all good fantasy players know, it's to ride the hot hand. Jamey is hot, let's see where it goes. If he takes us to a dark gooey place, I'm going to be so fucking pissed.

Overall Scores:

Jamey: 2.8
Ron: 2.6
Brad: 1.8

Flopfest 2007

Jamey-palooza:

Just because you have a couple good weeks doesn't mean there won't be some embarrassing picks strewn in with all the good ones. As I alluded to early, this was not the week for Jamey when it came to picking Tight Ends. In fact, every one of his start 'em picks - Heath Miller, Jeremy Shockey, Kyle Brady and Donald Lee - shit the bed. If he had switched the start 'em for the sit 'em, he would have done much better. We've seen the whole signals crossed thing from these guys before so let's move on.

Jamey's worst pick of the week would have to be starting Laveranues Coles. For most owners I know, 1 point off 13 receiving yards against the leagues worst passing defense isn't going to get it done. I have to admit, I started him too. It had nothing to do with Jamey saying so but I still lost miserably that week.

Ron's World:

Just for reference, Ron started Mr. Coles as well, subsequently receiving an "F" from me for the pick. But at least Jamey and myself weren't alone.

Expounding on the wide receiver thing, week 8 Ron decided, mostly on the prompting of an elf named Steve, that sitting Marques Colston would be a good idea. Those of us with Steve experience know to ignore him when he make these kind of asinine suggestions. Ron, apparently not well acquainted with Steve, ended up sitting the highest scoring wide receiver of the week. When you're only picking four guys to sit out of the hundreds of WR's that play each week, it has to be difficult to pick the one that is going to do the best that week. He deserves some kind of prize don't you think? Something like a swift kick to the balls.

Brad Mania!:

Brad, the lovable loser we all knew from high school, continued to dig an even deeper hole this week. Between starting Vincent Jackson, who didn't record a stat, and Amaz Battle, who got a whopping two points, it was a rough week.

I mean, Brad provided me with so much material it's almost not fair. Sitting Brett Favre and Joseph Addai. The same Joseph Addai who lead all running backs in fantasy scoring for the week. The poor guys in a serious rut. If this keeps up I'm downgrading him from "guru" to "the guy Yahoo! pays to make bad picks". Trust me, it's not a distinction you want to have, unless they are a couple zero's behind a number accompanying his pay check. If that's the case, sign me up.

The Breakdown:

Brad Evans

Good Calls: 5
Bad Calls: 6

Jamey Eisenberg

Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - C
QBs - B+
Running Backs -A
Wide Receivers - B+
Tight Ends - F

Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - A
QBs - A
Running Backs - A
Wide Receivers - A
Tight Ends - D

Ron Anish

Quarterbacks: B- (2.9)
Running Backs: B- (2.9)
Wide Receivers: C+ (2.5)
Tight Ends: C (2.1)

Billick Bites the Heads Off Babies

I did the grading for week 8 (hold the applause) today and I'll have the review up tomorrow. I'll hopefully also get a chance to do week 9's grading and publish said review later this week.

The good news is I should have more time now, as I've put the kibosh to the whole Nanowrimo deal. Instead I decided that I'd like to have some semblance of a life - something if haven't gotten to experience much in the past few months because of the marathon training. And speaking of which, if I'm going sub-3 on the next one (Fredrick, the first week of May in case you were wondering) I've got to train longer and harder. So, after a week of sitting on my ass, eating everything in sight and drinking an uncouth amount of beer, I'm back to running, if only to maintain my current level for a couple of months. It'll basically be 25-30 miles a week till the actual training regiment kicks in after New Years, meaning I should have plenty of time for the site.

Also, because individual reviews are probably just as boring to read as they are to write, I'm going to continue to group my three guys into one review from now on. I know I said I wasn't going to do that, but it's really hard to make that shit interesting when it's just one guy. I seriously doubt anyone will be complaining and it will leave me more time to put up opinion pieces, after which you can metaphorically rip me limb from limb with a verbal stomp-fest. Jeremy has been doing one review a week the entire time and look how happy and well adjusted he is. I only hope for a tenth of the man chowder he's got.

In news actually somewhat related to football, I'd like to express publicly for the first time that I am ashamed to be a Ravens fan. There were times in the past when I thought I was about to go over the precipice but ended up being pulled back, mostly thanks to our defense. This time, however, there's nothing keeping me from hitting rock bottom.

My mangled and mutilated hopes and dreams don't feel much like sugar-coating, so I'll just come out and stay it: I fucking HATE Billick! I was thinking of starting a firebillick.com like website in the same vane as www.firecoachnicksaban.com. Anyone out there agree? Think it would be a good idea? Let me know because I'm all about it.

Review: The Whole Bunch - Week 7 - Slacker City

I'm really trying not to make this a common occurrence, though my actions over the last two weeks would beg to differ. My time lately has been taken up by marathon recovery - a condition that makes finding the energy to breathe difficult, much less anything else. And now, starting today, I'm heading into a month long writing "competition" - Nanowrimo. I know what you're thinking, Ray, you suck at writing. To which I would answer: I know, but the competition has nothing to do with quality, so I might be OK. Somehow, I've been cursed with the need to constantly be involved in something. Unfortunately, I lack the focus, dedication, whatever to master anything. I'm the most mediocre jack-of-all-trades ever.

I promise I'll still make time for you - the three people who come to this site, Jeremy excluded - but my reviews might be less than stellar for a while. Or you could argue they've always been less than stellar and now they're turning into complete crap. Anything's possible, I suppose.

A Quick Overview:

Out of no where, Jamey Eisenberg's posted back to back 3+ weeks. The only explanation is the switch of his CBS Sportline picture from a candid shot to the new glamor shot he's got up. Oo-la-la. Either that, or maybe he's just rounding into form. The old Gypsy woman with all the cats told me that would never happen, so I'm discounting the latter.

Ron Anish, Mr. Average-and-Steady, continues to be both average and steady. He's holding the highest per week average - tied with Jamey at 2.3 - but hasn't been out of the low to mid 2's since the beginning of the season. He's picking at a rate of slightly better than 60%, taken on a good call/bad call system, which makes him just a little better at this shit than your average guy. So far, you've got about as good a chance picking which ones Ron is going to get right and wrong as you do starting the right guys on your team. I wish he'd either really excel one week or fall flat on his face, just so I'd know what to do with him.

Brad Evans, on the other hand, continues his see-saw ride to mediocrity, posting a 1.9 this week after three straight weeks of 2+ performance. If the current trend continues, he should be in the shit for another week, then start bouncing back. I hope no one used him as a guide in week 8. It's midseason and really these inconsistencies should have worked themselves out by now. Going to Brad for advice is like playing Russian roulette. Good luck and I hope you don't have a weak stomach.

Brad Evans

Overall Grade: C- (1.9)
Good Calls: 5
Bad Calls: 6

Jamey Eisenberg

Overall Grade: B (3.1)
Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - B+
QBs - A
Running Backs -B+
Wide Receivers - B+
Tight Ends - A+

Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - C
QBs - B-
Running Backs - A
Wide Receivers - F
Tight Ends - A

Ron Anish

Overall Grade: C+ (2.2)
Quarterbacks: D+ (1.3)
Running Backs: B- (2.8)
Wide Recievers: C- (1.8)
Tight Ends: B- (2.9)

Week 8 review hopefully coming tomorrow if I can find a second at work.

Not so great Week 8

Well, not so great for our ESPN Gurus. And definitely not great for Hokie fans. I think I'm finally dried out from the soaking I got in Blacksburg, so let's tackle Eric Karabell and Scott Engel's week 8 rankings.

The Grades
Karabell
QB: B (8.29)
RB: C+ (5.74)
WR: C (5.12)
TE: D (3.48)
K: D (3.48)
D/ST: B+ (5.6)
C

Engel
QB: B (8.34)
RB: C+ (5.71)
WR: D+ (4.93)
TE: D+ (3.72)
K: D+ (3.69)
D/ST: C+ (4.99)
C

Scott Engel seems to finally have jumped onto the Derek Anderson bandwagon. Anderson (6/3) has put up at least 13 fantasy points in each game he's started this season (remember he didn't start week 1), and put up 21 this week against the Rams. He's not a "name" QB like Manning, Palmer, or Brady, but he's legit. And his last six starts of the season are against Houston, Arizona, the Jets, Buffalo, Cincy and San Fran. Not exactly murderers row there of defenses, so Anderson should be primed to put up big numbers right as fantasy playoff season is going. He does have 3 tough games next against Seattle, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh, but he does have 380+ yards and 3 TDs against Baltimore and Pitt (limited action) this season.

Tom Brady (1/1) and the Patriots continued their assault on the NFL this week. Both gurus kept Brady ranked ahead of Peyton Manning (2/2), and Brady put up nearly twice the fantasy points as Manning. The real impact on the stats, though, were Brady's two rushing TDs. Always a nice boost, especially in a league where rushing TDs = 6 and passing TDs = 4.

Is Drew Brees (12/10) back, or did he just take advantage of a great matchup against my woeful Niners? At least 14 fantasy points each of the last three weeks. Keep an eye on him. Meanwhile, Eli Manning (4/4) seems to be floating along in mediocrity. Excluding his first-week explosion, he hasn't scored more than 14 fantasy points in any week this season. This week, playing the winless Dolphins, he managed to score the same amount of fantasy points as superhero QBs Quinn Grey, Cleo Lemon, JP Losman (didn't start), and Matt Casell (NE backup QB).

Toting the rock, LaDanian Tomlinson was again the #1 ranked RB by Karabell and Engel. But he couldn't follow up his four TD day with another huge outing, and managed only 9 fantasy points against Houston. Joseph Addai (3/4) was the high scorer among RBs this week, scoring three total TDs.

Former Hokie tailback Kevin Jones (16/12) continued his comeback from a tough ankle injury with 100 yards and a score against the Bears defense. Lendale White (13/15) had 133 yards against a strong Oakland defense in the Titans' win. Lawrence Maroney (19/22) owners are probably hating Tom Brady, Randy Moss, and Wes Welker right about now. Maroney had 100+ total yards, but no scores. Frank Gore (9/7) owners are probably not too happy either, as he managed only 4 fantasy points.

Owners who drafted Marques Colston (19/22) as their #1 WR finally had a week to be happy about - assuming they hadn't benched the NO wideout. Colston scored double-digit fantasy points for only the second time this season, torching the San Fran defense for three scores. As much as I'd love to fault Karabell and Engel for having Colston ranked so low, there's no way I can possibly do it. Keep an eye on him the rest of the season, maybe he'll avoid a sophomore slump.

At the top of their wideout rankings, Engel faired much better than Karabell. For their top 6 wideouts, Engel's averaged 12.75 TrueScore® points, while Karabell's averaged just 11.16. And Engel had Plexiglass Burress ranked #1 (Burress scored only 1 fantasy point ... Karabell had him ranked #3). The explosive Anderson-Braylon Edwards (6/3) connection added two more TDs to its tally. Reggie Wayne (2/4) had 168 yards and found the endzone. And T.J. Houshmanzilly (4/5) had a touchdown. When top players play like top players, it's easy to make gurus look good.

In addition to Colston, the bottom of the gurus' Top 25 WR rankings helped them out. Hines Ward (17/16) had two touchdowns, Lee Evans (24 in Engel's rankings, not in Karabell's top 25) had a huge 85-yard TD to seal the game for the Bills. Chris Chambers (18/21) had 9 points for his new team. And Mr. Monday Night - Greg Jennings - was only ranked by Karabell, who had him #22. 100+ yards and a TD helped out anyone who started Jennings this week.

The other pass catchers - tight ends - didn't do much to help Karabell and Engel this week. Only three tight ends in either guru's top 15 scored double-digit fantasy points. But only one tight end that wasn't in either top 15 scored double-digit points. Antonio Gates (1/1) lived upto the rankings, scoring 2 touchdowns on only 3 receptions. Only Engel had Vernon Davis in his top 15 (#9), but Davis had 71 yards and a score. And fellow first-round NFL pick Greg Olsen (7/8) scored a TD and added almost 60 yards receiving. Dallas Clark (3/2), Jeremy Shockey (4/4) and Heath Miller (6/5) were all highly ranked this week but all three under produced.

This week the Pats didn't only dominate on offense. Their D/ST (1/2) finished second among D/ST units in fantasy scoring this week. The Chargers (5/10) took advantage of 5 turnovers and held the Texans to only 10 points to lead all D/ST units. Engel and Karabell's misses this week? Tampa Bay (3/5) and Minnesota (6/6) - both produced 1 fantasy point. And the poor Redskins ... Engel had their D/ST unit ranked #13 this week. They responded with -7 points against the Pats.

And last but not least (well, maybe least) - the lonely kickers. Top-scoring fantasy kicker this week? Sebastian Janikowski. Didn't appear on either guru's top 15. Second leading scorer? Matt Bryant. Didn't appear on either guru's top 15. Third-leading scorer? Jason Hanson ... ranked at a whopping 11/7. Kickers are crap shoots.

Half Kenyan, half alcoholic

Big congratulations to Ray for finishing the Marine Corps Marathon today in under 3 hours and 45 minutes. Amazing accomplishment for a first-time marathoner. Way to go, Ray.

Mangini's Last Stand

A little site news:

I've finally gotten around to updating the charts through Week 6, including Jeremy's rework of his early grades. The time machine worked splendidly and I can tell you with some certainty that the Rockies win the world series. Feel free to put money on it if you like.

And some real news:

In the worst decision since Custard's last charge, the Jets are unfathomably sticking with beleaguered quarterback-non-grata Chad Pennington. They're a one and six team with little to play for. How does this make any sense? Their defense isn't going to hold anybody up and Chad can barely hold up the ball. I'm not president of the Kellen Clemens fan club or anything - personally I could care less since neither is fantasy starter material - but I fail to see the risk in letting the second-year guy get some experience. Chad Pennington and franchise are words that were never meant to be in the same sentence. In fact, Chad was probably hoping for a benching to avoid the lengthy hospital stay he's surely in for if he remains the starter. Come on Jets, get the balls out of Mangini's throat and show us you got a pair.

In other QB news, Garrard is scheduled to miss approximately four weeks with a high ankle sprain. If any of you watched the game on Monday night and saw the play that caused the injury, you know it didn't look pretty. Fat guy rolls up on ankle; ankle loses will to live, gives up and crumples. I've seen it a thousand times. It's one of the reasons I avoid the morbidly obese while walking. Garrard was probably your backup/bye-week filler at this point and in other than the deepest of deep leagues, no one was playing the Jacksonville wide receivers. How the injury affects the rest of the team, we'll have to wait and see. The offensive line looked amazing when run blocking Monday night, which gives me some hope for Maurice and Fred. Quinn Gray, on the other hand, has me worried that opposing defense will be stacking the run in the future. That guy should really go into the waiting tables biz because he is a turnover machine.

Stuff that doesn't qualify as news:

I'm going to go ahead and urge you to take a break from the waiver wire tonight and leave the glow of the computer monitor behind. Because tonight you have the opportunity to witness the beginning of one of the greatest sports performances of all time. Tonight, the Rockies begin their inevitable sweep of the Boston Red Sox, securing the title of world champion and their rightful place in history. Oh yes, it will happen. And I want everyone to witness it from beginning to end, just so when they see me laughing they'll know what it's about and I won't have to explain myself for the thousandth time.

Editor's note: The picture at the top of this post is from the future. I just hope something doesn't go wrong and it starts fading like Marty's family in Back to the Future.

What a weekend

Among the top 10 scorers in fantasy football this weekend:
Tom Brady and Randy Moss - surprise, surprise. On a side note, does it seem that every fantasy owner who has one of these guys also has the other? In my main league, the league leader lucked out and got both of them. What did he do to deserve such fantasy karma? The only downside for these owners, Patriots bye week they'll be in trouble. Lucky for me (#2 team in my league), I play Alex when Brady and Moss are on the bench.
Rod Bironas, kicker, Titans - 8 field goals. Eight. Ocho. Wow.
Kenny Watson, RB, Bengals - Before the season, Rudi Johnson was touted as a "safe" and "consistent" pick. Bummer.
Sage Rosenfels, QB, Texans - Looking at just a linescore, Matt Schaub owners were probably ecstatic. Never expect too much from a Hoo.

Our boys continued their basic mediocrity across the board this week. No A's, no F's. If this were grade school, Little Scotty Engel and little Eric Karabell wouldn't get taken out to Friendly's for an ice cream treat with these grades.

Under center, both gurus nailed their top pick - Tom Brady. Has Brady overtaken Peyton as the clear-cut #1 fantasy QB this year? Or will it depend on matchups? Should be interesting to see where they go. Karabell did a little better than Engel this week, primarily because Engel ranked Garrard and Schaub in his top 10, and both gunslingers got injured. Jay Cutler, hanging out at the bottom of both gurus' rankings (17/20) put up some good numbers against a strong Pittsburgh defense. In the same game, Ben Roethlisberger (10/10) had his highest fantasy point total since week 1. And what about Drew Brees (13/13)? Is he back? Are the Saints back on track? Look for a good game against the Niners this week.

At running back, Karabell graded out at a C+ and Engel graded out at a B this week. Strong, but not outstanding. Each had at least 15 of their top 25 score 10 or more fantasy points, but only one RB scored more than 20 (Kenny Watson, who Engel had ranked 25 and Karabell didn't have in his top 25). So odds are, no matter how these guys were ranked, scores would have been similar. Consistent, but not superb. LaDanian Tomlinson was on a bye a week after scoring 4 TDs, let's see if he holds the #1 ranking spot when he comes back this weekend.

60 points. 3 wide receivers. 1 team. Unreal. Randy Moss (1/1), Wes Welker (13/15), and Dante Stallworth (NR/22) had huge weeks catching passes from Tom Brady. The Pats offense continues with its "fuck you" attitude. And fantasy owners keep smiling. Think about it. None of these guys were probably picked in the top 3 rounds of your draft, and Welker and Stallworth could have been on your waiver wire up until a few weeks ago. And with games against the Ravens, Steelers, Colts, and Giants still on their schedule, this passing juggernaut has plenty of options to stick it to more teams. Karabell had four big whiffs in his top ten, with Marvin Harrison, Joey Galloway, Plexico Burress, and Roy Williams all scoring less than 5 fantasy points. Engel faired no better, having Burress, Tory Holt, Dwayne Bowe, and Bobby Engram in his top 10.

Two tight ends scoring double-digit fantasy points means a bad week for gurus. Only Dallas Clark (5/2) and Heath Miller (8/7) saved Engel and Karabell from an even worse grade. Speaking of Heath Miller, I lucked out this week. The guy I played in my main fantasy league left Miller on the bench and I won by 7 points. Thanks SNK.

29 points from a kicker. 8 field goals. What is there to say other than "wow". Rod Bironas (5/12) lit up fantasy this week, but the rest of the kickers were average, meaning an average week for our gurus. Kickers are a crapshoot. Good luck.

And finally, we get to the defense. A couple weeks ago, I said the Ravens D was overrated as a fantasy player. I've seen drafts where they went as high as the 4th round. But playing the woeful Buffalo Bills offense, led by rookie Trent Edwards, surely they'd snap out of the funk, right? Wrong. 4 points. Overrated. Limited QB pressure by the Dline = less sacks. A weak and injured secondary = less INTs. Props to Karabell for putting the Seahawks D in his top 10. They were the #1 scoring fantasy D this week, led by Darryl Tapp (former Hokie!)

Thats it for me. See you after week 8. Be sure to bench any Cardinals, Chiefs, Cowboys, Falcons, Ravens or Seahawks players you have. So no Boldin, LJ, Romo, Owens, McGahee or Shawn Alexander. Good luck.

Eric Karabell
QB: C (7.54)
RB: C+ (5.96)
WR: C+ (5.65)
TE: D (3.02)
K: C (4.47)
D/ST: B (5.55)
C

Scott Engel
QB: C (7.35)
RB: B (6)
WR: C+ (5.69)
TE: D (3.33)
K: C (4.06)
D/ST: C (4.55)
C

Review: The Boys - Week 6 - Kind of

This is a total cop-out and I apologize in advance, but I just don't have time to write a proper review this week without sacrificing the marginal amount of sleep I get to begin with. Who knew preparing for a marathon could be so much work?

My guys, of course deserve better, unfortunately I'm unable to provide it. So, in the biggest sphincter wrenching move I've performed on this website so far, here are the Week 6 rankings. And it's really such a shame because the boys did so well this week.


Brad Evans

Overall Grade: B- (2.7)
Good Calls: 8
Bad Calls: 3

Jamey Eisenberg

Overall Grade: B+ (3.3)
Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - C+
QBs - B+
Running Backs -A
Wide Receivers - B+
Tight Ends - D+

Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - B-
QBs - A
Running Backs - A
Wide Receivers - A
Tight Ends - A

Ron Anish

Overall Grade: C+ (2.4)
Quarterbacks: C+ (2.5)
Running Backs: C+ (2.4)
Wide Recievers: C+ (2.4)
Tight Ends: C- (2.1)

And, it seems that Ed Norton's ass did drive me to distraction and I forgot to put up the Week 5 grades for Jamey and Ron. Here are those grades:

Jamey Eisenberg

Overall Grade: C (2.3)
Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - D
QBs - F
Running Backs -D+
Wide Receivers - B+
Tight Ends - D+

Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - B+
QBs - B+
Running Backs - A
Wide Receivers - D+
Tight Ends - A

Ron Anish

Overall Grade: C (2.0)
Quarterbacks: D+ (1.5)
Running Backs: C- (1.8)
Wide Recievers: C (2.0)
Tight Ends: B- (2.8)

Brown out

Ronnie Brown's done for the season. I lucked out that my Derek Anderson for Ronnie Brown trade was rejected last week. Instead I turned around and moved Derek Anderson and Greg Jennings for Reggie Wayne and Willis McGahee. But that's neither here nor there.

Now the question becomes - are there any Miami Dolphins who are worth owning on a fantasy squad? Cleo Lemon has put up decent numbers, but I don't see him as anything more than a bye-week fill in for a desperate owner.

Running wild (finally)

LaDanian Tomlinson finally stepped it up. Adrian Peterson had (another) monster day. Maurice Jones-Drew, Brian Westbrook, Willis McGahee, Larry Johnson, Edge James, Reggie Bush, Thomas Jones, Lendale Whilte, and Jason Wright all scored 10+ fantasy points. And all were ranked in our gurus' top 25 RBs. In what has been, so far, a year dominated by question marks around the top RBs in the league and a number of strong-performing QBs, week 6 could be the starting line for a mad rush toward the fantasy playoffs.

As a matter of fact, of Eric Karabell and Scott Engel's top 8 RBs this week, the only dud was Shawn Alexander. Normally money in primetime, Alexander got owners a total of 3 fantasy points (based on ESPN scoring. Scott Engel showed a lot of love to Sammy Morris (#9, Karabell had him 14), and Morris responded by getting 1 point (leaving the game with an injury).

At QB and WR, our prognosticators continued with their mediocrity. Engel was the conductor on the Kurt Warner bandwagon, ranking the old gunslinger #3 this week. Warner thanked him by putting up negative fantasy points. The Cardinals went from splitting time between two quarterbacks a few weeks ago to starting ... Tim Rattay. Ouch Cardinals fans. Two other quarterbacks put up goose eggs this week - Steve McNair (didn't play) and Vince Young (left with injury). Not good for your TrueScore® rankings. And apparently neither guru wants to get on the Derek Anderson train yet. Anderson put up 28 points against a crappy Miami defense, yet was ranked 10 and 11 by Karabell and Engel, respectively.

So here's the grade breakdown for Week 6.
Eric Karabell
QB: C (7.05)
RB: A (7.53)
WR: C+ (5.69)
TE: D+ (3.6)
K: C (4.43)
D/ST: B (5.4)
C+

Scott Engel
QB: C (7.3)
RB: A (7.71)
WR: C+ (5.88)
TE: D+ (3.92)
K: C (4.45)
D/ST: B (5.07)
C+

Late-week injury news

Ravens head coach Brian Billick said Todd Heap is likely going to miss the game against Buffalo this weekend. That, and the fact that backup TE Daniel Wilcox is out, means Quinn Sypniewski will start at TE for the Ravens. A 6'6", 270 lb target for a backup QB with a patchwork offensive line? Grab him if you've got Gates or Winslow on a bye this week. Although its up to you if you want a guy who looks like this on your fantasy team.

Also Javon Walker had knee surgery, and is out "indefinitely". Big blow to anyone who has Walker or Jay Cutler.

Review: Anish and Eisenberg - Week 5 - Together Again

In a effort to conserve time, something I seem to have less and less of these days, I'm going to review Ron and Jamey together this week. I don't plan on continuing this way, but I need to catch up.

As much joy as I glean from highlighting our guru's triumphant accomplishments, I've found the real pleasure comes when shedding light on their phenomenal mistakes. Therefore, in that vain, this review will not step foot into the light, but rather thrive in the dark inner workings of our guru's twisted minds. Minds, which seem to have shared bad ideas, through some kind of mind meld or telepathy, this week. If you thought misery loved company before, consider week 5 your indisputable proof.

In order to exorcise the demons, we must name them, one by one, in order of least to most offensive.

Demon 1: The Starting of Brandon Marshall

If you were counting on Baby T.O. to put up some numbers while Javon Walker rested his 80-year-old man's knee with a cadaver tendon in it, your weren't alone. On the dark and stormy night our guru's made their picks, they too tabbed this ill-fated wide receiver to perform admirably. They crowned him with a starting title and sent him on his way, never realizing what destruction their creation was about to unleash on an unsuspecting fantasy world. Long story short, Brandon turned out to be a killer, not of any of my teams but maybe one of yours? Were you left contorted on the kitchen floor, frozen in a gut-wrenching state of eye-bulging agony?

Demon 2: Bowetergist

So you think you made the right moves, picked up the right people and set the best starting lineup possible based on what you read from our gurus. Then, just as you're getting settled in your favorite comfy couch or chair to watch some football, you find out that your lineup was actually built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground and there's a rookie stuck in your TV who should have been in your starting lineup. As your lineup implodes in a brilliant flash of light, you can't stop staring at the blur on the TV that is Dwayne Bowe on his way to 70 receiving yards and a useful fantasy day. In the end, you're left with nothing but a hole in the earth where your team used to be and slime all over your face.
Demon 3: Resident Donald Leevil

Zombies are really hard to stop. Especially when they're reanimated dead people. That was, until know. I've found the cure or the answer if you will. In order to put anything down - dead, undead or other - just get Ron and Jamey to start them. Like they did this week with Donald Lee. Seriously, Lee had at least four catches in each game, weeks 2-4. Then Ron and Jamey caught wind of him and bam! he can't do shit. It's like these guys are the mark of death or something and are using it to completely fuck the rest of us up. If the Umbrella Corporation had known about these guys, they could have saved themselves a lot of time and money.

Demon 4: Culterie

Sometime, because of the past, we convince ourselves that a guy might go crazy, seemingly with superhuman powers, and slay his opposition, leaving defense destruction and a high fantasy score in their wake. When that guy is a quarterback, it can be doubly sweet, since in standard leagues you only get to start one. Jay had a good matchup vs. San Diego. Hell, San Diego hadn't stopped anyone through the air all year. All the signs pointed to a start and our gurus bit hook, line and sinker. They gave the green light and we may or may not have taken it. But, just as things aren't always as they appear, the promising prospect of Jay's big day turned into dismal demise. Maybe this was a case where the past was blinding and they ignored some subtle but telltale signs. Like the fact that a defense that ranked high last year and retained its primary components might wake up against an inexperienced quarterback without his favorite weapon.

Demon 5: Dawn of the Rivers

In this version, our heroes are actually the zombies and the monster is their benching of Phillip Rivers. In case you didn't know, he was the top QB for week 5, putting up 27 fantasy points, including 3 touchdowns. If you're anything like me, that's as many touchdowns as your entire team had. Because of this pick, the only things dead at dawn Monday morning were about a million fantasy teams. If you benched Rivers here, I feel so so sorry for you. Not that he was a guaranteed lock, stock and barrel start but nothing irks me more than leaving points on the bench. Just thinking about it makes me want to kill a couple of zombies. Now where'd I leave the shovel?

If you've ever tried writing something while simultaneously watching Ed Norton take it in the ass from a big musclebound white guy, you know how distracting it can be. Hopefully this review doesn't reflect that. I'm going to curl up in a corner now. Thanks a lot American History X.

Re-grades week 1-5

Week 1
Karabell
QB: B (8.24)
RB: C (5.16)
WR: B (6.09)
TE: F (2.71)
K: D+ (3.68)
D/ST: A (6.05)
C

Engel
QB: C+ (7.84)
RB: C (5.15)
WR: B (6.17)
TE: F (2.54)
K: C (4.04)
D/ST: A (6.22)
C

Week 2
Karabell
QB: B+ (8.67)
RB: B (6.27)
WR: A (7.55)
TE: C (4.26)
K: C+ (4.86)
D/ST: B (5.07)
B

Engel
QB: B+ (8.67)
RB: B (6.21)
WR: A (7.24)
TE: C+ (4.57)
K: C+ (4.83)
D/ST: B (5.33)
B

Week 3
Karabell
QB: C (7.35)
RB: B+ (6.73)
WR: C (5.26)
TE: C (4.4)
K: C (4.06)
D/ST: C (4.18)
C

Engel
QB: D+ (6.98)
RB: B+ (6.64)
WR: C (5.53)
TE: A (6.9)
K: D+ (3.85)
D/ST: D (3.49)
C

Week 4
Karabell
QB: C+ (7.7)
RB: C (5.21)
WR: F (3.36)
TE: C (4.4)
K: D+ (3.66)
D/ST: D (3.14)
D+

Engel
QB: C (7.41)
RB: C (5.4)
WR: F (3.8)
TE: D (3.53)
K: D+ (3.64)
D/ST: D (3.29)
D

Week 5
Karabell
QB: F (5.33)
RB: D (4.01)
WR: F (3.6)
TE: B+ (5.68)
K: C (4.44)
D/ST: B (5.25)
D+

Engel
QB: F (5.44)
RB: D (4.12)
WR: F (3.69)
TE: B+ (5.93)
K: C+ (4.71)
D/ST: B (5.08)
D+

Drumroll please ...

OK as you all know, I've been working on a new grading system. The first one was more of a "gut" grade, which proved to be too subjective and dependent on my mood. The second one was too lenient, and only looked at the top of the rankings each week, which was usually the cream of the crop.

So now we're onto Karabell/Engel Grading System 1.3. This will be a more comprehensive look at the rankings and factors in where each player is ranked.

Here's the breakdown:
Each week, we'll take the top 20 QBs, top 25 RBs and WRs, and top 15 TEs, Ks, and D/STs, as ranked by Eric Karabell and Scott Engel. Then we'll take the number of fantasy points each of those players scored, based on ESPN's fantasy site, and multiply that point total by a multiplier (calculated based on ranking). This will give us a TrueScore® value for that player.

Let's look at Karabell's week 6 rankings, as an example.
Player Points Multiplier TrueScore®
Tom Brady 33 points x 1 33
Carson Palmer 14 points x 0.95 13.3
Tony Romo 13 points x 0.9 11.7

Once we have the TrueScore® value for that player, we'll take the average TrueScore® for that position, for each guru and assign it a grade level.

The grading scale will be:
For QBs
A = 9+
B+ = 8.6 - 8.9
B = 8 - 8.5
C+ = 7.6 - 7.9
C = 7 - 7.5
D+ = 6.6 - 6.9
D = 6 - 6.5
F = < 6

For RBs and WRs
A = 7+
B+ = 6.6 - 6.9
B = 6 - 6.5
C+ = 5.6 - 5.9
C = 5 - 5.5
D+ = 4.6 - 4.9
D = 4 - 4.5
F = < 4

For TEs, Ks and D/STs
A = 6+
B+ = 5.6 - 5.9
B = 5 - 5.5
C+ = 4.6 - 4.9
C = 4 - 4.5
D+ = 3.6 - 3.9
D = 3 - 3.5
F = <3


Ray will use his time machine to go back and update the charts, using grades with the new system.

Down Time

I understand the website is somewhat behind. Unfortunately, I can't do my remaining reviews from last week till I get home tonight and it wouldn't be prudent to start my week 6 reviews before week 5's were done. Also, the graph and charts are slacking and if Jeremy ever decides on a grading scale, I'll update them. The expected date is spring, 2012. Hope you can stick around for that.

Alright, I'm going to get my notes together for week 6. If anyone has any other questions for us to answer, I'll put them up and pass them on to Jeremy as I've filled my quota (1) and have nothing left to give.

Paradise Lost

Have you ever gone to the store, itching to purchase something you thought you'd get a great deal on, only to find out the sale ended the day before? Or gotten to the register, only to be told that the coupon you planned to use has expired? The feeling of disappointment, sometimes pin-prick small and sometimes overwhelmingly large, is always associated with the realization of a missed opportunity.

After Sunday's performance, Brett Favre has left me with this same feeling. Not because his poor performance left two of my teams crippled and floundering but because I had an opportunity, only recognized in hindsight, to use him as my coupon for a discounted rate on something, or someone as the case may be, truly great. He was the perfect sell high candidate, though I was blind to the knowledge, and now am left to lament my lack of foresight.

History should have told me - possibly tried to tell me - but I wouldn't listen. I was too transfixed by the notion that Brett could actually be my No. 1 quarterback for the fantasy season. I pulled the wool over my own eyes by obsessively craving as many top QB as I could get my hands on so as to not end up in the same situation I was in last year - constantly searching the waiver wire for a solid quarterback that never materialized. Sure, Favre wasn't high on many draft lists and I picked him up in the middle to late rounds as a bye week filler. But when he took off, I put my misgivings aside and allowed myself to be lulled into the idea that maybe this was his year. That he was going through some kind of resurgence and that I could ride that resurrection all the way to a fantasy championship.

Brett Favre is going to be Brett Favre. And Brett Favre is not the rational thinking, game managing, conservative passer we were introduced to the first weeks of the season. Brett Favre is the shoot from the hip, toss it up, all or nothing ball slinger who, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, has revealed himself over past two weeks. A zebra can't change his strips and it seems neither can Brett. I apparently simply can't distinguish the sheep from the wolves.

What I should have seen was a guy who, with the help of a couple favorable matchups, came sprinting out of the fantasy box at a pace he couldn't sustain. And now that were in Week 6, and the mile runners are flying past him without so much as a glance in his direction, I'm left feeling more than a bit silly. The beginning of the season is fraught with uncertainty, especially this year with top quarterback performing poorly or getting injured, I should have taken advantage.

Favre wasn't my top quarterback, so why rely on him when he has value as a trade commodity? My fear of being rendered quarterbackless, through injury or other occurrences, left me handcuffed to him, unable to move the one piece in my collection that should have sold quick and fetched a good price.

Now, as his value depreciates with each passing weekend, I find myself wondering why - Why didn't I trade him when I had the chance? - and disparaging an opportunity lost.