Recapitulating

Aside from the game, which I don't have to ask about, did anyone else think last night's opening festivities blew goat balls?

First of all, Mellencamp looks like an AIDS victim who's losing the fight. Either that, or a creepy guy who sits outside of elementary schools and waits for the kids to be let out. One of the two. The only thing I know for sure is that he sucks. Only one thing could have sucked more than the Mellencamp number; getting Faith Hill to sing her last "hit" from a decade ago and then asking her to record the opening night theme song.

...Wait. They did that, didn't they?

Jesus, was that an abomination. The pregame song is always some of the most insane, asinine, incoherent dribble ever written by the hand of man. But this year took the cake and things to the next level. I honestly missed kickoff because I had to turn the channel and force myself to throw up the bottle of pills I had just swallowed. Using the word painful to describe that pre-recorded number doesn't close to do it justice. Christ, I'd rather watch a snuff film then suffer through that shit again. Asking who in their right mind actually likes that lyrical upchuck is useless. I already know; they've been bring the rest of us sane human beings down for years. Fuck you middle America.

I'm not even going to get into the halftime show because it's only going to make me mad.

However, I will get into the game, even though it will probably also make me mad.

First, what the hell happened to the Saint's offense. They were offensive, I'll give them that. It looked like they'd forgotten everything that made them so good last year. For one, getting Deuce 10 rushes is simply inexcusable. The dude is a work horse. He going to need more touches and they weren't unrushably down until the middle of second half. The number one thing and best way to beat the Colts is ball control. Keep the ball out of Manning's hands and you have a shot. The best way to control the clock is to run the ball. If so, fact-o, I'm your boss. It's really not that complicated.

Second, the cover two is about as simple a defensive formation as a team can run. If you can't figure it out, you probably shouldn't be coaching the NFL. One, you run the ball. Two, you send either a slot receiver or tight end up the middle, straight down the seem. Three, you overload one side with trips or other bunch formations and force them to shift their setup. The cover two can be an effective defense, as exhibited last night, but it can also be exploited. All it takes is an ounce of common sense. There should be passes longer than 6 yards to be had but your probably going to have to put more than two wideouts on the field at a time to do it. Sad plan, sad execution, sad effort, sad all around by the New Orleans offense.

Just one more then I'll get off the Saint's ass. It's getting all red and puffy anyway. I'm not sure who turned Reggie Bush into a small white woman but would they please turn her back for the sake of all fantasy coaches out there. Seriously, was he going for his best Jamal Lewis impression? Because I have to tell you, he didn't have the pitter patter of little feet down quite well enough. In the tentative category, however, he scored a ten. A fucking 10! I give her a fucking 10! He ran with such indecisiveness, it's unfathomable. A guy with his talents shouldn't be running into the back of his blockers or tip-toeing around the outside of the line or dropping easy passes. And the part that baffles me the most is they kept forcing him the ball. Getting him more involved in the offense is one thing but putting him in situations where he's destined to fail, all for the sake of getting him touches, will do nothing but kill his confidence and the team's chance of winning. Stop forcing the ball to him and use him as God intended, Sean! Damn.

There's not much to say about the Super Bowl champs. The came ready to play. Manning and company were spectacular, aside from Reggie dropping the ball, literally. I don't think their defense is as good as the Saints made them look. The first time they face a team with an NFL offense I think you'll see what they're really worth. I do wish I had drafted Joseph Addai for at least one, if not all, of my teams. He's going to be a fucking beast. He's the new Old Edge. I'm just happy I didn't play anyone with him this week.