Ron's on the cusp of something great, but every week a different thing keeps biting this guy in the ass. Last week it was the quarterbacks. This week it's the tight ends. I guess that's just the life of a shark. Things can get bity down there, according to Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Now I finally understand. At least he's not a bottom feeder yet.Overall Grade: C+ (2.5)
The Good:
Ron righted the ship in the quarterback department this week, and yes, I will be using seaworthy metaphors every time I do his review. He's a fantasy shark, goddamn it! What the hell do you expect? Ron did an exemplary job picking his QB studs this week with only miss being the much maligned and held down by the white man Donovan McNabb. Would someone please shut him up with the racial shit already? It was tired two years ago. You don't want me to go all Martin Luther King Jr. on your ass, do you? I have a dream, too, and it's for you to shut the hell up and stop blaming the white man every time you have a bad game or lose an NFC championship. Ron benched Joey Harrington, because that's what we do with Joey and he benched Losman because that what Pittsburgh's defense has been doing to opposing quarterbacks.
Ron had a strong week picking running backs as well. He agreed with yours truly and suggested Marion Barber to start. And what do you know, we both were right. There are few things that can make me look smart, but 89 yards and 2 TD's are two of them. Also, nice job suggesting Edge to start (he has looked damn good this year hasn't he?) and Brandon Jackson to sit. The Jackson suggestion came on the thought that Morency would be back to share the carries. That obviously didn't happen and instead the game decided to spawn everyone's waiver wire darling, Mr. Wynn. But I'll give Ron a pass.
Saving the best for last, Ron, using all the wisdom a bald man could possibly muster, fearlessly suggested that Joey Galloway would have a big day. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. Ron wasn't alone in this prediction but that doesn't diminish the excellence of it. Boy, do i wish the Saints didn't suck.
The Bad:
Tabbing Jay Culter and Trent Green to start was surely a blemish the size of small Appalachian bluff. But it was one he could cover with concealer (assuming he's gay) before a big first date with the man of his dreams (again, because he's gay). And if that man was Ahman Green (71 Rush yards, 1 TD), he'd most definitely be disappointed that Ron's idea of a fun evening consisted entirely of sitting on a bench somewhere. And maybe Dwayne Bowe would walk by and wave to Ahman, not to Ron. And Ahman would leave him to walk with Dwayne because they both caught touchdowns last week and all Ron has is a large, growing zit on his face.
The Ugly:
So now Ron's at home, dejected from being left by his supposed soul mate and the zit has grown so big it's going to pop. And when it does, what out of it should appear but a big, oozing Jason Witten, who's all gooey from a 27 yard receiver performance last week. Then, just as a sweet sense of release begins to wash over Ron, he looks down to see his ass is covered with four other pimples in the form of Ahman Green, Jericho Cotchery, Leonard Pope and Hines Ward. Some started last weekend, others were chaffed into existence by sitting on unsanded wooden benches. Either way, none are pleasant thoughts and I'm about to yack.
The Breakdown:
Quarterbacks: B- (2.8)
Running Backs: B (3.0)
Wide Recievers: C+ (2.5)
Tight Ends: C- (1.8)
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