I saved the worst for last, though the last should have come much sooner. I must therefore apologize for my tardiness in getting everyone graded for the first week. Apparently, the beach and wireless internet aren't on speaking terms at the moment - some might argue they never were. But enough of the excuses, on to the incontrovertible(ha!) Jamey.
Overall Grade: C- (1.7)
Start It Up
Finding a good call for Jamey was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And, now having done it, I'm expecting the congressional medal of honor to be delivered to my house no later than noon, tomorrow. Seriously, this dude had a pretty shitty week. I hope he didn't do any sports betting or else he's probably broke and wrong.
The only prediction Jamey made that qualifies as something a five year old wouldn't have known was giving Lee Evans a Sit 'em designation. Even though the last time Lee faced Denver he was held to two catches for five yards - a feat he amazingly duplicated this year - I thought he'd at least be serviceable this go around. It seems that better company around him and a QB with a years more experience wasn't enough to overcome his ineptitude. There's your one shining moment, Jamey. Feel free to bask.
Sit 'em Down
So many...where to begin...there's too many...they're coming at me from every angle...can't take it anymore...I must succumb.
Let me put it this way, Deuce McAllister was his start of the week. If that's not a swift kick in the junk, then I don't know what is. Good God man, could you be more wrong *said in a Chandler voice*? Wow, just simply wow. I don't even know what to say. It's like making fun of a retarded kid, you know you shouldn't but it's so hard not to. I'm not sure I want to reserve my place in hell quite yet. I'm moving on.
The reason Deuce looks so upset in his NFL stock photo must be because he listened to Jamey when trying to decide on his starting QB. Maybe Jamey told him to put Matt Leinart in and bench Jon Kitna. Possibly, Jamey advised him to start Steve McNair (his week one sleeper) instead of Carson Palmer (his week one bust. I know I couldn't believe it either). I think you get the picture. Until further notice, when setting your lineup and you scroll over the QB position, do not look to Jamey for advice and save yourself some time and a fist full of hair. Trust me.
We already know how running backs went, so let's take a look at the wide receivers; maybe we'll find some jewels there. Oops, just as I thought, all coal and middle fingers. However, Jamey does have one seemingly outer-worldly ability when it comes to the wideouts. Anyone he names, whether in the start 'em or sit 'em category does horribly. Therefore, the lesson we'll take away is if Jamey mentions a wide receiver that you have on your team, don't start them. You'd also be wise to stop reading Jamey's column after WR's as his picks for TE were even worse. Out of his four Start 'em picks (Shockey, McMichael, Daniels and Martin), not one of them put up more than a couple points and none caught a touchdown. I feel gross now. Actually, we may have to modify the rule to say if Jamey mentions any of your players, don't start them, but I'll give it another week. See breakdown for explanation why.
The Breakdown
Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - F
QBs - D-
Running Backs - C
Wide Receivers - D-
Tight Ends - F
Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - B
QBs - C
Running Backs - B+
Wide Receivers - B
Tight Ends - C
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