Review: Jamie Eisenburg - Week 2 - They Call Me Captain Obvious

Sometimes, I wish Jamie was a dog, just so I could kick him and it wouldn't be considered assault. Other times, I wish he was a car so I could run him off a cliff into a reservior. To put it mildly Midwestern, Jamie ain't doin' so good. Maybe his alter ego for last week, Captain Obvious, can do better.

Overall Grade: 1.8

Start It Up

I've found over the years that one of the hardest things to do is pick and activate the right wide receivers. If you'd look at my current fantasy teams, you'd see that I'm horrible in this respect. And, as I indicated last week, I thought Jamie was too. But, as usual, as soon as I really start to believe in something, something else happens that complete blows my belief out of the water, leaving me back at square one without a sensible thought to my name. This week, it was Jamie's wide receiver picks.

Last week, he made some of the most horrendous, asinine picks for wide outs I've ever seen. He almost pulled out a terrible perfect on wrong picks for starting receivers. In week 2, he seems to have turned things around somehow, making a majority of correct calls. Was it a deal with the devil? Did he sell his soul to the prince of darkness for the ability to see into the future? Well, if he did, he obviously got shot changed because the rest of his picks for the other position don't reflect any kind of spiritual intervention.

A few of the highlights:
- Starting Joey Galloway, who every other guru picked to have a good day as well, and Donald Driver.
- There aren't any highlights on the sit 'em side because all Capt. Obvious did, as his name implies, was pick guys you probably wouldn't start anyway. But more on that later.
- Playing Calvin Johnson. Now this was the kind of advice we're all looking for. Calvin was someone we were unsure about and that's when we look to the guru's for their sanctimonious wisdom. Jamey made a good one here.

Sit' Em Down

Oh boy. Instead of the bad picks, of which there were many, let's first concentrate on the down right stupid picks; the picks that never needed to be made and the ones that should have never seen the soft glow of a computer screen.

Jamey's running back sit 'em list was just plain moronic. I guess making obvious picks will get you a boost in the stats at some venues, but here at the review it's a major downgrade. That's why picks like Marshawn Lynch vs. the Bears, Thomas Jones vs. Baltimore and Laurence Maroney vs. the Pats got me laughing. None were elite backs, all had terrible matchups and you probably wouldn't play any of them unless you were desperate anyway. He might as well have said that OJ Simpson or Cory Dillon was going to have a bad week. No shit, Capt. Obvious, no shit.

Same thing with the wide receivers. The average football fan and fantasy player is going to know that Ronald Curry is going to have a good week facing Denver's excellent secondary lead by the Champ. A blind man could see that Laveraneus Coles might have a tough time getting open against McAllister. And a dead fish would have known that Drew Carter, who was only targeted three times in week 1 but two were for touchdowns, might not get so lucky again. We're not morons here, Cappy, we just want some help with the fringe picks.

Returning to our regularly scheduled program, lets look at some really bad picks. Last week was all about tight ends and, of course, Captain Obvious followed his normal routine, but this time even that wasn't enough to save him. The highest scoring tight end on his start 'em list was Jason Witten with two measly points. Combine they posted a paltry 4 points and that's five guys. Conversely, two of the tight ends on his sit 'em list caught touchdowns and the lowest scoring player, Tony Gonzalez, had four points all by himself. Oh the humanity!

The Breakdown

Start 'em Picks:
Start of the Week - C
QBs - B
Running Backs - C
Wide Receivers - A
Tight Ends - F

Sit 'em Picks:
Sit of the Week - B-
QBs - D+
Running Backs - C+
Wide Receivers - B
Tight Ends - F